Short Allotment Update

Written on December 27, 2011 at 8:06 pm, by Joss - Category Allotment Diary

Being winter, the allotment is not really overflowing with things to do, but I am still visiting regularly just for the walk. My winter experiment in the greenhouse is going well and now we have passed the Winter Solstice and the days start getting longer again, I hope to see a bit more activity.

The mild winter means that all my garlic and onions are sprouting – some of the onions are around 6 inches tall. I hope we don’t get a sudden bout of violently cold weather that wipes everything out. Back in November I was given a pair of seriously good secateurs and now everything that can be trimmed has been duly trimmed. For Christmas I was given a stick chopper, which will come into its own later in the year, and a sharpening stone. That is already being used as I have started sharpening my Azada’s and spade. Read more

Bear Sayings for Christmas

Written on December 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm, by Joss - Category Kitchen Sink

Some years ago I wrote a list of sayings that might be the sort of things that your average bear might say if they were not too busy being a bear. Digging through some old articles, I found some ones I had written about Christmas which I had completely forgotten. There are a couple about food in this list, so they just about qualify being on this blog. Anyway, if you have stuffed yourselves silly over Christmas, you might need some “Lite” relief.

• Bears don’t get smoked salmon. Surely you smoke cigars, and you EAT salmon!
• If Christmas is a time for giving, who gets to do all the receiving?
• Never shove something up a chimney that’s stops something else coming down.
• Bears that hide in wait for Santa are seen as spoilsports – or at least greedy.
• Reindeer are best served medium rare.
• There is nothing more uncivilised than two bears squabbling over the last red nose.
• To remove an arm from inside a turkey it helps to first unclench the paw.
• Christmas Puddings are not missiles.
• Remember, rabbits are not just for Christmas. They are pretty good whenever you are hungry.
• If a bear is smiling at you, make sure you are not wearing a turkey outfit.
• Don’t waste time chasing a turkey when you can just steal one from a butcher.
• Before handing over money, make sure the carol singers aren’t surprisingly furry.
• Christmas stuffing is not a punishment.
• Fake Christmas trees make really bad disguises.
• The safest way to give a bear a present is with a trebuchet.
• Basic arithmetic: a bear at Christmas will significantly increase your food bill.
• Getting a bear out of a fridge is harder than getting him in.
• Remember, bears are not just for Christmas. No, I am serious – you really DON’T want a bear for Christmas!
• Punching a turkey hard is no way to remove the feathers – however much fun!
• Always make sure a bear enjoys his Christmas. If that fails, run.
• If the Christmas movie isn’t Grizzly Adams, panic.
• If a bear is holding up mistletoe he probably isn’t thinking about kissing.

Chicken and Cheese Soup – A Winter Warmer

Written on December 11, 2011 at 3:36 pm, by Joss - Category Recipes

Well, the UK, and Scotland in particular, have seen temperatures fall and winds rise this last week; enough so that even I have a touch of sympathy for those who thinks salad should only be eaten when it is 25º or so. So, for those who are feeling chilly, I have put together a very simple, warming soup made from Chicken Stock, veg and laced with good cheddar cheese (so, definitely NOT Cathedral City!) and some chilli powder.

It takes very little time to make and all the ingredients are straight out of your local shop. So, here goes:

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The not-ready to eat avocado from Tesco

Written on December 4, 2011 at 12:48 am, by Joss - Category Bad Stuff

Recently, Tesco has rebranded their “Perfectly Ripe” Avocado range and called it the “Ready to Eat” Avocado instead. And just in case you think that this is the same-old-same-old, they have put a nice big “new” label on the rebranded product (isn’t that cheating?)

The joke is, of course, just like its predecessor, the Perfectly Ripe Avocado, this new product is several days off being ripe. I have picked up these small twin packs several times to find that the contents is hard and inedible. The packaging, oblivious to the fact that the contents is far from the smooth creamy experience that accompanies the properly ripe avocado, instructs you to keep it in the fridge to stop it ripening more! I haven’t tried, but I am not keen on the idea of waiting several weeks for my green cricket ball of a fruit to become something that you can shove beneath a prawn or two.

The new packet sat in my nice warm kitchen a couple of days until I thought I should try the first of the twins. Rock Hard. My super sharp chef’s knive managed to cut through the flesh, but the challange was completely beyond the capabilities of my teaspoon. Into the compost with it!

The second avocado I have just tried. It certain felt more or less ripe, but as you can see, the result inside the skin is watery and uneven and has a bitter taste that has taken the combined scrubbing power of several Peroni beers to remove from my pallet.

I have never yet found an avocado in a supermarket labelled as “ripe” that is actually anything of the sort. It is simple misrepresentation for the sake of adding extra cost to the product. Tesco are not the only company that sells such waste of supermarket shelf space, but then since all the major Supermarket Companies basically sell the identical “own brand” products with different labels (most of the time they even have the identical shaped packaging) this is hardly surprising.

The bottom line is, if you want a decent Avocado – get it from a proper grocer and ripen it yourself!

What shall I do this Christmas?

Written on December 1, 2011 at 1:32 pm, by Joss - Category Food

The one issue about Christmas every year is how will I make it different to any other Christmas? To a certain extent I have sympathy with those who want to keep Christmas exactly the same every year – it is like a well worn pair of slippers, I was once told, however tatty they are, they have have become a loved addition to your feet and why would you want to have to start running in a new pair?

I do like turkey, but I prefer goose. I am aware, however, that those assembled are not so keen so I will probably stick with the normal bird. Maybe a Norfolk Black or something this year. I will probably vary the way I cook it. Read more

Festive Apple and Orange Zest Pies

Written on November 28, 2011 at 11:43 pm, by Joss - Category Recipes

I have started experimenting for Christmas and have come up with this very quick apple pie laced with orange zest, honey and ginger. It is sweet and refreshing and gently cooked in an almond pastry.

Generally speaking, I am not a great pie maker; especially since it is very definitely on my diet black list! But others in the family love them, so I might as well get them worked out in advance – useful for those who visit the site too! Rather pointless getting a Christmas recipe after the event.

There are no clever twists and turns here, this is very straightforward pie making. However, I do strongly recommend non-stick pans for these sorts of pies – if they leak, they can glue themselves to anything and you will really appreciate the non stick. After all, you don’t want to go all safe on the amount of stuffing. So, on to the recipe… Read more

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