Wise sayings for and about bears at Christmas

Bear Sayings for Christmas

Written on December 27, 2011 at 12:50 pm, by Joss

Some years ago I wrote a list of sayings that might be the sort of things that your average bear might say if they were not too busy being a bear. Digging through some old articles, I found some ones I had written about Christmas which I had completely forgotten. There are a couple about food in this list, so they just about qualify being on this blog. Anyway, if you have stuffed yourselves silly over Christmas, you might need some “Lite” relief.

Bears don’t get smoked salmon. Surely you smoke cigars, and you EAT salmon!
If Christmas is a time for giving, who gets to do all the receiving?
Never shove something up a chimney that’s stops something else coming down.
Bears that hide in wait for Santa are seen as spoilsports – or at least greedy.
Reindeer are best served medium rare.
There is nothing more uncivilised than two bears squabbling over the last red nose.
To remove an arm from inside a turkey it helps to first unclench the paw.
Christmas Puddings are not missiles.
Remember, rabbits are not just for Christmas. They are pretty good whenever you are hungry.
If a bear is smiling at you, make sure you are not wearing a turkey outfit.
Don’t waste time chasing a turkey when you can just steal one from a butcher.
Before handing over money, make sure the carol singers aren’t surprisingly furry.
Christmas stuffing is not a punishment.
Fake Christmas trees make really bad disguises.
The safest way to give a bear a present is with a trebuchet.
Basic arithmetic: a bear at Christmas will significantly increase your food bill.
Getting a bear out of a fridge is harder than getting him in.
Remember, bears are not just for Christmas. No, I am serious – you really DON’T want a bear for Christmas!
Punching a turkey hard is no way to remove the feathers – however much fun!
Always make sure a bear enjoys his Christmas. If that fails, run.
If the Christmas movie isn’t Grizzly Adams, panic.
If a bear is holding up mistletoe he probably isn’t thinking about kissing.