Bear Sayings for Christmas

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Some years ago I wrote a list of sayings that might be the sort of things that your average bear might say if they were not too busy being a bear. Digging through some old articles, I found some ones I had written about Christmas which I had completely forgotten. There are a couple about food in this list, so they just about qualify being on this blog. Anyway, if you have stuffed yourselves silly over Christmas, you might need some “Lite” relief.

• Bears don’t get smoked salmon. Surely you smoke cigars, and you EAT salmon!
• If Christmas is a time for giving, who gets to do all the receiving?
• Never shove something up a chimney that’s stops something else coming down.
• Bears that hide in wait for Santa are seen as spoilsports – or at least greedy.
• Reindeer are best served medium rare.
• There is nothing more uncivilised than two bears squabbling over the last red nose.
• To remove an arm from inside a turkey it helps to first unclench the paw.
• Christmas Puddings are not missiles.
• Remember, rabbits are not just for Christmas. They are pretty good whenever you are hungry.
• If a bear is smiling at you, make sure you are not wearing a turkey outfit.
• Don’t waste time chasing a turkey when you can just steal one from a butcher.
• Before handing over money, make sure the carol singers aren’t surprisingly furry.
• Christmas stuffing is not a punishment.
• Fake Christmas trees make really bad disguises.
• The safest way to give a bear a present is with a trebuchet.
• Basic arithmetic: a bear at Christmas will significantly increase your food bill.
• Getting a bear out of a fridge is harder than getting him in.
• Remember, bears are not just for Christmas. No, I am serious – you really DON’T want a bear for Christmas!
• Punching a turkey hard is no way to remove the feathers – however much fun!
• Always make sure a bear enjoys his Christmas. If that fails, run.
• If the Christmas movie isn’t Grizzly Adams, panic.
• If a bear is holding up mistletoe he probably isn’t thinking about kissing.

What shall I do this Christmas?

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

The one issue about Christmas every year is how will I make it different to any other Christmas? To a certain extent I have sympathy with those who want to keep Christmas exactly the same every year – it is like a well worn pair of slippers, I was once told, however tatty they are, they have have become a loved addition to your feet and why would you want to have to start running in a new pair?

I do like turkey, but I prefer goose. I am aware, however, that those assembled are not so keen so I will probably stick with the normal bird. Maybe a Norfolk Black or something this year. I will probably vary the way I cook it. (more…)

Festive Apple and Orange Zest Pies

Monday, November 28th, 2011

I have started experimenting for Christmas and have come up with this very quick apple pie laced with orange zest, honey and ginger. It is sweet and refreshing and gently cooked in an almond pastry.

Generally speaking, I am not a great pie maker; especially since it is very definitely on my diet black list! But others in the family love them, so I might as well get them worked out in advance – useful for those who visit the site too! Rather pointless getting a Christmas recipe after the event.

There are no clever twists and turns here, this is very straightforward pie making. However, I do strongly recommend non-stick pans for these sorts of pies – if they leak, they can glue themselves to anything and you will really appreciate the non stick. After all, you don’t want to go all safe on the amount of stuffing. So, on to the recipe… (more…)